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Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
by Kells McPhillips
Finding a therapist you click with can feel like dating: Do they put you at ease? Make you feel seen? Mirror your morals and ethics? If you’re searching for an LGBTQ+-affirming therapist, this “dating” thing can feel even more challenging, but knowing what to look for ahead of time can make the whole process way less stressful.
“An affirming therapist embodies respect, empathy, and genuine curiosity,” says psychologist and sex therapist Stevie Stanford, PhD. “They make clients feel not only comfortable but also truly understood. It’s not just about being accepting; it’s about actively supporting who the client is so they feel free to explore their thoughts and emotions without judgment.” Everyone deserves to have someone like that in their corner.
If you’re looking for an LGBTQ+ counseling checklist to make your search a little easier, keep reading for Dr. Stanford’s five-item checklist for choosing an affirming therapist.
You can learn a lot about your prospective therapist by how they speak with you, says Dr. Stanford. That looks like asking for your pronouns and using them both in written correspondence and face-to-face. “It’s about creating a space where clients can be their authentic selves, without feeling the need to hide any part of who they are. When clients feel genuinely seen and respected, they’re more open to engaging in meaningful work,” says Dr. Stanford.
It’s not enough for a therapist to say they affirm your identity; their knowledge should prove it.
“Therapists need a solid understanding of LGBTQ+ history and current issues, including discrimination and mental health challenges unique to the community,” says Dr. Stanford. You can also check if the therapist lists “trauma-informed care” as part of their training. “Trauma-informed care is essential, as it helps them address sensitive topics with compassion and skill,” Dr. Stanford explains.
“Validation means acknowledging a client’s reality and making sure they feel understood. It can be as simple as saying, ‘Your experiences are real, and they matter,’” says Dr. Stanford. When you receive the proper validation from your therapist, you should feel empowered to open up, be vulnerable, and celebrate who you are from session to session. So, during your first couple of appointments, consider how you feel. If “validated” isn’t a word that comes to mind, keep searching.
People are rarely one thing, and a good therapist will help you navigate all of your identities. “Addressing intersectionality means recognizing that people’s experiences are shaped by multiple, overlapping aspects of their identity,” says Dr. Stanford. “For LGBTQ+ clients, factors like race, gender, and socioeconomic status all play significant roles in their experiences.” The right counselor for you will be able to recognize your intersection(s) and engage with your complexities and contexts in a thoughtful, inclusive, and nuanced manner.
The LGBTQ+ community is constantly evolving — and your therapist should be, too. “Look for a therapist who highlights their experience with LGBTQ+ issues and actively engages in ongoing education,” Dr. Stanford says. Listening carefully to their language can cue whether they’re keeping up with LGBTQ+ culture and developments, but you can also feel free to ask them how they’re staying educated.
As your first session approaches, making a list of questions to ask your (potential) new therapist can be helpful and empowering. Dr. Stanford recommends putting the following three conversation starters on your list — along with anything else you’re wondering.
• How do you approach LGBTQ+ topics in therapy?
• Can you tell me about your experience working with LGBTQ+ clients?
• What steps do you take to keep your knowledge up to date?
Come prepared, but listen to your gut first and foremost. “Trust your intuition—feeling safe and understood from the beginning is essential. And remember, if you feel your needs aren’t being met, it’s okay to find someone else. The right therapist will make you feel seen and valued,” says Dr. Stanford.
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